hello friends!
it was such a beautiful, warm weekend. the aunt and uncles are here, it's full house and i'm loving it.
Showing posts with label piffle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label piffle. Show all posts
Sunday, November 8, 2009
a day at the farm
Sunday, October 18, 2009
japan sushi+high park
a bento box from japan sushi has become a saturday ritual. if only they had those stamp cards. like, "buy 5 get a 6th meal free".
$6.99 for a bento box that includes 4 sushi rolls, 6 tempura pieces, salmon teriyaki (or beef or pork or gyoza), rice, salad, noodles & soup. so good.
japan sushi
482 bloor street west
after lunch, john and i went to high park. it was the first time in many years that i've been thisclose to nature. nature meaning bugs, really really tall trees and dirt paths.
teehee i also saw lots of mallard ducks. it reminded me so much of make way for ducklings.
high park
take the train west (green line) and get off at high park.
and follow the people. normally with cameras or picnic baskets.
i hope everyone had a great weekend.
ps: i finally got my 50 mm lens and i am SO happy with it!
pps: the slr still frustrates me though. i really should read the manual.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
sometimes bad days can be fruitful
sigh.
it's just one of those days when you just want to climb into a hole and never come out again. or those days when you want to eat and eat and eat until you feel better. or buy something so extragavant. or run for a long long long time until you've forgotten about everything momentarily.
i feel so small. and 17 again, back when i started my first job in the real world and went home and i cried (yes i'm a crybaby) and swore i'd never go back again but did. and now, it's been almost a year but there's no sign of progress and just a whole lot of effing up. and you're supposed to find some kind of life lesson from all this.
yes i know i will.
later on i'll look back and see that it wasn't such a big deal and that everything turned out fine anway. yes, these things give you backbone, they help you grow up, but dammit it's hard. no mother to hold your hand or anyone else to make you feel better. it's all really up to you and how you're going to deal with it.
so i had a good cry during lunch, ate fries and bought a Nikon D60. no it wasn't an impulse buy. but it did make me feel a little better.
Monday, February 18, 2008
nothing, nothing at all.
aujourd'hui c'est family day mais les parents sont en train de partir pour un service funèbre.
jason m'a enseigné à utiliser le macro-mode de mon appareil photo. pas mal, non?
Thursday, December 1, 2005
an ax to grind.
i am soft wood
your prized possession.
against your palm i rest
while you make your decision.
you gently whittle away
in the dark.it's the best time, you say.
shaping me the way you want me to be:
and for you darling, anything
an outlet, a plug
the spout of your water bottle
the raspberries of your mouth
your snuff jar
and your jam box
the graceful arch of a neck.
not mine, but someone else's.
the exit sign.
until you've gently whittled me all away
until you finally get what you want
a stick
a pick
and with a flick
we take the morsel away.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
exhuming ophelia.
it was all
constellated squabble
the marks on his hand-
i still remember.
the staring game
i never lost.
the unblinking eyes
are claimed winner:
the crowds
murmur and whisper
as she walks
to the stand
to be judged.
all hail
the damned infernal lover.
Monday, November 21, 2005
table manners.
the glass slides towards the edge of the kitchen table
it was headed that way anyway.
ill-used and chipped in some places,
its porcelain sheen gone a long time ago
looks more jaded now than that shade of green.
a receptacle of dirty watered down dreams and stale juicy secrets
sold as its own set
tragically and sadly unique
yet as common as the common whore.
but the glass moves on its own.
not just one hand, but millions of taunting hands guide it.
as a lighthouse calls the boats to safety,
they usher it to its final escape.
just a bit further. a bit more. there.
the tiles look inviting from here.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
the eternal plane ride.
i could see you from outside
my heart pounding as i watched you
ring the bell
i opened the door and you stepped inside
and you drew me close to you
i don't know if it was in your eyes
in your touch
or in your manner of speaking
because i saw through the affectation
and realized that
when you left
you never came back.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
forgive us our trespasses.
i apologize
for failing to recognize
the honor and beauty of your profession,
for sticking up my middle finger when you made me late,
for cursing your existence and purpose
in this world,
for shuddering when you came home with dirt in your finger nails,
for resenting you while the others were clean-shaven and suited,
for refusing to listen:
what for. you're merely a hole-maker.
you must have wanted to bury yourself alive
for now as i watch them lower you down into the ground
i realize that i've already dug that hole for you
a long time ago.
hand over the shovel and give me my turn,
let me now scratch the surface;
absolve me of my pride.
Saturday, October 8, 2005
to the ones who cry.
i am a patch of green grass, you say.
trodded on but overlooked.
you are, but at least you are not squares of green, lush sod. so appealing but manufactured by the hundreds, a conveyor belt product of the milieu.
realistically artificial.
whereas you, the lone patch, rise up and grow towards the heat of the sun.
you beautify and glorify the vast barren dry. you go unnoticed but are significant.
and one day you will be found...
and that loneliness and preservation that you have undergone throughout your life will be cultivated.
love yourself, patch of green.
for it is through suffering that we find the artist within us,
it is through our loneliness that we become stronger,
and it is through these changes we become more beautiful,
and it is through this interior beauty we are found.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
free-writing.
"it's when you put a pencil in your hand and put the pencil to a paper and you just start writing...you don't think about what you're writing...you don't read over what you're writing...you just keep your hand moving."
boy, what could you be doing right now? my future best friend. who could you be? are you sleeping? are you studying? are you looking for me too? are you waiting just as patiently and impatiently as i am?
the moon sees both of us and nods. all will be right with the world in no time, it says. ah moon. it is all just fitting.
splendid. i must say that i am dying for a rasp of jello smothered with hot chocolate. it is a cool night and autumn's breeze is under the galley while we fret as fretters for lost love and the moon frowns. alas we cannot have all. some of us have to wait forever and they won't ever find the treasure they've buried or the seed they've planted. although it is itching to grow it will be plantless as the fig tree was fruitless and it will be damned and cursed for just plainly existing.
you stand unhappily by the cliffs of crashing waves, melodious and untimely it calls you so you can jump, lapping up the heavens and you sigh a thousand sighs over your breakfast croissant with your coffee spilling over the stiff white linen of the sands of the beaches. you sit on a checkered mat draping yourself across the inlet and you dazzle everyone that sees you sprawled underneath the sun like a bronze coin ready to be picked up and you do not wait to be spent. but my goodness what a life of sadness. waiting for the figure in the setting sun horizon to come closer and closer until it's no longer just a silhouette but an embrace, a passionate kiss. until it's happiness you've found again. now, yes, tuck it away. keept it in the box. and make sure it is its own lock and key. make yourself at home. lock yourself in and imprison yourself in my heart.
did you forget or did you remember but just didn't care?
you are unreedemable.
Saturday, September 3, 2005
that's enough.
some romantics are humans of contradiction. they know what they want and yet they want what they shouldn't. they know the truth but they choose to imagine and live in an illusory, fantasy world, where everything disappears in one touch, where love is a sugarcoated pill ready to poison whoever is stupid enough to swallow it, foolishly taking it as a panacea for their loneliness and sadness.
they are architects of castles in the air, chasing dreams that lead to the end of the cliff. in their minds they can transform just about anyone in the name of love, but in reality man cannot be induced to change- man only changes for himself. everywhere they go these visionaries constantly need validation, leading an existence so dependent on affection and praise.
ah, to be able to take the mind and just shake it around once and a while to get the idea of love right. back when we were children, when love was just a thing in movies. when love was although inexplicable, it was sure. when love was still something we couldn't wait to experience. when love was something you would only say before you go to bed to your parents. something you couldn't wait to say. but now it's something you'd like to take back, something you'd like to say but can't...it's something you'd like to give away again.
Saturday, August 6, 2005
an aknowledgement.
it's funny how one time you're just tra-la-laing along and something hits you right in the gut, right in the heart and you just can't breathe. and a thousand memories of happiness and sadness swirl in your head, and they are inescapable. i cannot breathe. being the idiot i am, i was looking for pictures to post up in this stupid blog. my picture program or whatever it is, has a folder where it keeps all the pictures you've taken with the digital camera...they are samples, so even though you've deleted a picture, the program keeps a copy of it. and so with one half-witted click, there they were, pictures i thought i got rid of ages ago, searing me and branding me once again with the heartache that ive worked so hard to overcome.
they say that a picture says a thousand words. and if you glanced at these deceiving pictures quickly, you would see such happiness and yes, even love. i did not close the window though. i stared at the orphic pictures masochistically; mesmerized as well as mystified as to what went wrong. one will never know. one can never really tell that behind the smiles and the gleaming eyes were sadness and empty spaces that longed to be filled.
as i am writing this, i am getting the urge to get rid of them forever. but at the same time, a part of me is holding on. i cannot understand how the human mind and heart work, but i guess the thing (eloquently put haha) here is that we cannot completely let go of those who were such a big part of our lives, no matter how many times they've made us cry, sad or disappointed...because behind all that were the great times that later on i will have more strength to look back on. they are responsible for what we are now, for the greater strength in our character and will, for helping us realize that we are capable of love. i end this with...appreciation. a thank you. for i never really did. for although this will never be read by lui, i am sending this to the void. i am thankful for what i have learned so far. for every second of it. no regrets.
Thursday, August 4, 2005
i'll bite my tongue with you.
What can I say?I'll bite my tongue again today...-the ataris.bite my tongue.
it is not perfect. because i want more. the choking silence is poisonous...i long to be able to speak. but would a drop kill it? would it disspitate so quickly? or would it grow brighter just as it is inside?
but you are my superlative.
through the idea of you i've fashioned a fairytale and ive placed you on a pedestal. thats where id like to keep you but would you let me? do i dare tarnish the gold or would you engrave yourself upon it?
we create dialogues in our heads and fantasies that will never happen.
we unwittingly hurl ourselves into an ocean of disappointment, gashing our hearts and we bleed from heartache.
we are fools for unrequited love.
can we help but repeatedly make the same mistakes?
will it always remain an unbreakable cycle?
when do we stop being pelicans that shed their blood for the ones they love?
id like to learn how to detach myself, so that how it is now, i can happily, unpainfully, keep it that way.
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