Saturday, November 26, 2005

i, melissa.

i am misjudged quite often
but have just started to realize

the whole futility

of defending and vindicating myself.

this month is a month of reversion-

a regression to my old self:

my hand paralyzed in fear, unable to raise itself in class,

being my uncontrollable temperamental bitchy self

procrastinator and jack of all trades-

i leave things i have to do at the last minute

and do everything else i'm not supposed to perfectly.

there never seems to be anymore money left in my card,

where does it all go? you wonder.

but we know exactly where it goes.

in the closet and in the stomach.
staring out the window again or into space

waiting and expecting and dreaming.

a month of new discoveries-

my newfound appreciation for english drama

and for the playwrights who embraced their grief
and turned it into art

discovering the inner beauty of people

and the dull sheen of the gold in others

mr noodles as the veritable meal

for the struggling hungry university student

viva as the most comfortable bus and busride ever

capers are salty but really good

with smoked salmon omelette.

that my cat, no matter how much he wants to stay outside

will always come running back.

and that however much j'essaie d'oublier,

c'est impossible.

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